JimFormation

So what is the proper etiquette when sliding in and out of theater or sporting event seats? Do you put your butt into a stranger’s face while passing? Or your, ahem, twig and berries?

I’m thinking that if the person remains sitting, he gets the butt. Standing, we go face-to-face and do the “let me slide by” tango. But I’m not certain. I’m always confused.

Now that I think about it, you can’t go face-to-face if you have a tray full of food. You need to give the person your ass so that you can protect your food and drinks. This is all very confusing and is nothing Dear Abby ever talked about in her column.

Similarly, where’s the best place to hang a name tag? Especially if you’re a woman.

I run in and out of hospitals all day long. Everyone wears name tags. Women are always wearing them over one boob or the other.

All day long I’m wrestling with trying to figure out some woman’s name, position, or title while not seeming like the hospital perv. I know that if I get caught doing the downward glance I’m going to be known as the Cleavage-Talker. I don’t need that.  I think I’d rather be known as the Name-Forgetterer than the Boobie-Watcher.

I work with a guy who wears his name tag on his belt. It’s off to the side. You know, it’s in his basement — but it’s still next to the boiler.

I told him he does it to get women to check out his Johnson. Sometimes says he keeps his name tag at “wheelchair level” so patients in wheelchairs can read it. Other times he tells me he hangs it off his belt so that he doesn’t have to poke holes in his shirts.

I laughed and then stared at his crotch. For an uncomfortable length of time.

Yesterday, I noticed he’s started wearing his name tag in the traditional boob area. I guess I made my point.