25 Random Things

30/01/2009
  1. I secretly like internet memes. I know it’s not hip, but memes always give me something to write about.
  2. I cry at dance recitals. Not open weeping, but I tear up a little bit. I don’t know why.
  3. I wish there was a good word that I could call my friends when they act all girlie-weenie that offended neither women nor homosexuals.
  4. I went to Florida on Spring Break when I was a kid. I didn’t hook up with any girls. My wife doesn’t believe that story.
  5. I love my wife.
  6. Billy Smith is my all-time favorite athlete. He was the New York Islanders goalie back in their dynasty days in the 1980′s. He used to drink beer on the rocks; I tried it and didn’t like it.
  7. The State of New Jersey has issued me a license that implicitly states that I can insert a catheter in your bladder through your urethra. However, I can’t do it willy-nilly.
  8. I sleep with a cuddly, nap-time football. I have since I was 11-years-old.
  9. I sleep with the radio on. It has to be talk radio. Music keeps me awake.
  10. I can’t visualize. But I’m really good and imagining proprioceptive awareness (look that one up).
  11. I hate writing. I love having written.
  12. I’ve never smoked a cigarette, toked the marijuana, or snorted a line of coke. Reason: A love of drugs really fucked up my mom’s life.
  13. I can hit a golf ball 300 yards but often have trouble making a 3-foot putt. That’s golf.
  14. I am an unabashed, unashamed car singer.
  15. I became an instant expert on every sport showcased on ABC’s Wide World of Sports. I blame Jim McKay.
  16. I am not religious. I am not spiritual. I follow no faith. I believe what Jesus taught is the most beautiful and pure philosophy that has ever been popularized.
  17. WWJD? I know what Jesus would do. He would abandon all his possessions, renounce his family, and walk around the country healing the sick, feeding the poor, and teaching tolerance, forgiveness and patience.
  18. I worked with a gay guy for two years that thought I was gay. He, and many other gay guys, used to hit on me.
  19. Gay guys don’t hit on me anymore. I guess I lost it.
  20. I count among my personal possessions: 2 sets of go-to golf clubs, 3 jiu-jitsu kimonos, one HP laptop, a rage of manly tools, a John Deere riding mower, and 2 rings. Everything else I own is property I share with my family. (Okay, I lied. I share the mower with the 4-year-old.)
  21. I have 5 pets: a mixed up dog (whose pedigree is rife with champions), a snooty cat, a singing canary (whom I named “Yellow Bird”), a hamster (whose ass hangs out a little too far for my tastes), and a white dwarf hamster that looks like a cotton ball with beedy black eyes.
  22. Last summer I ran over a snake with my riding mower. (That’s nothing. The summer before that my friend ran over a clutch of baby rabbits.)
  23. I built stairs and turned the attic of my old house into a loft. I did it without permits. I’ve also put up a fence beyond my property line; also without a permit. I’M AN ANARCHIST!
  24. I am the graphic designer that creates all those horrible-schlocky ads you see in your weekly local papers. It’s not all my fault though. Tis is what the boss wants. Do you know why he wants them? Because you people respond to the little messages he puts in the bursts. If you’d stop, I’d be free to design better ads.
  25. I don’t believe in astrology, ghosts, or angels sent from heaven. I don’t believe in telekinesis, mind reading, or fortune-telling psychics. I don’t believe in mystic healers, voodoo, or talking to the dead. I don’t believe in little green men in space ships, the Jersey Devil, or Bigfoot. I don’t believe there was a shooter in the grassy knoll.

    But I believe there is more to this world than we see, hear, feel, and taste. I believe there are connections that we don’t understand. I believe there are things that we can’t understand.

    I believe in love.

There are 5 comments in this article:

  1. 30/01/2009Harry Haller say:

    Um, I read the Jiu Jitsu piece and liked it. A lot. Wasn’t Royce practicing Helio’s technique when he won those championships? Good enough for me. It seems to me the difference between the two is the difference between teaching egos to win tournaments and teaching humans to live confidently and without fear.

    I’d tackle one of these memes, but I never learned to count that high.

  2. 30/01/2009BWG say:

    1 Random Thing About Me: I don’t do memes.

  3. 30/01/2009Zed say:

    I LOVE internet memes. They are FUN. It’s the modern day version of an urban myth, which we can no longer believe in thanks to SNOPES.
    lol. I love your twenty five things. And I think that girlie-weenie should work just fine. A real woman would not be offended, and the weenie part works for me too.

  4. 31/01/2009michele say:

    I am so with you on 25 and 16.

    As for Billy Smith, I adored him, but I knew he was the kind of player I would loathe if he was on any team but mine.

  5. 1/02/2009ruminator say:

    This I liked. I always like finding out things about my friends.

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