JimFormation · I’ve Been Thinking …


This is another one of those stories that makes my wife say, “I’m completely baffled about how you ever attracted a woman.”

This is the true story about a boy, the boy he saw with a mustache, and how I screwed the whole thing up.

Posted
6 February 2009

Fucking Midget

When my older boy was only three or four, he said he saw a boy with a mustache. This scared the hell out of him.

“There are no boys with mustaches,” I explained. “It was probably just a shadow or chocolate milk or something.”

“No,” he insisted. “It was a boy with a mustache.” He was certain and was seriously freaked. This went on all afternoon.

That evening we went out for dinner. My wife, my daughter, and I told him about dwarfs. Little people. “Maybe it was a dwarf, you saw,” my wife explained.

I agreed but, of course, I have to act like an ass and say “midget.” I know little people don’t like being called “midgets” but it’s a much funnier word than “dwarf.”

Oh, and I didn’t stop there, I made sure I said “fidget” — because I thought “fidget” sounded even funnier.

You know what a “fidget” is right? A “fucking midget.”

I’m really clever. Funny guy, right?

Wrong.

After dinner we get up to leave, I put on my coat, and turn around.  And who is sitting in the chair directly behind me?

You got it: a fucking midget.

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If you liked that, you might like one of these:

  1. Enjoy Every Sandwich, Part III-2
  2. Ten Quick Questions
  3. Danny’s Irish Kiss

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1 Comment

Posted by
Barbra
9 February 2009 @ 1am

So of course in my clash of worlds it makes COMPLETE sense that you post about midgets while I read
Scarpetta:
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I love that Lucy is in forensic data recovery.
Will let you know if it gets too far fetched with this character. So far it’s kosher


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