JimFormation

From time-to-time a song hits me immediately. My eyes well with tears. I choke back the emotion so that I won’t be consumed.

It’ll happen before my conscious mind even knows what the song is about. Lyle Lovett’s “If I Had a Boat” hit me like that. And, for some unknown reason, it still chokes me up. I like that.

“Why I Am” from Dave Matthews Band’s newly release Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King album hits me like that.

Turns out the song is a knowing smile and a wink of misty eye to LeRoi Moore. LeRoi Moore died after complications from an ATV accident just as the album was beginning to be made. A founding member, he was the band’s saxophone player. The album is partially named after him: his nickname was GrooGrux and LeRoi is French for the King. LeRoi Moore is the GrooGrux King.

Do with the song what you will. I don’t expect it to effect you the way it does me. I’ve included the lyrics and a video at the end of this post. But here is why I think it speaks to me:

I have long held in my head the concept of The Last Kiss. There will be a day, hopefully a long time from now, when your lover will kiss you and the next time you see him or her one of you will be dead.

You never know when that kiss will be. I’ll kiss you and then you’ll be no more. We’ll be taken away from each each other. And we don’t know if that’s forever, or if we’ll meet again.

When I hear the chorus resound It’s why I am! I think of my wife. She is Why I am.

And, like in the song, there will be a time:

When my ghost takes me from you
You can remember the fool that I am
Don’t cry baby, don’t cry

I think of her again. I think of that Last Kiss. And I miss her already. And I don’t want her to miss me.

Just want her to remember that she is Why I am.

And should you leave before me, I’ll be singing something like this to you:

And where my story ends, it’s gonna end with him
Heaven or hell, I’m going down with the GrooGrux King

…

My wife and I will be married 21 years tomorrow. This year also marks a quarter century that she’s been in my life.

And I don’t want to sugar-coat this too much: I am not easy to live with and she has her faults to. But she chose me and I chose her. And if she can live forever with my short-comings, I promise to never to dwell on hers.

But there is no one I’d rather spin around this universe with than her. On this blue and green speck, I’m enjoying our dance.

You and me against the world, baby.

You are Why I Am.

…

…

WHY I AM – by Dave Matthews

I grew from monkey into man
Then I crushed 15 million with a wave of my hand
I grew drunk on water turned into wine
‘Til I was slave and master at the same damn time

But it’s why I am
It’s why I am
Why I am still here dancing with the GrooGrux King

Out of my head and into the room, hello

A king of men, it makes no sense
Oh bow to the priest while I worship the wench
but it’s why I am always the one who’d make you smile
Why I am
I’m still a snake in the woodpile
It’s why I am still here dancing with the GrooGrux King

Out of my head and into the room
So when my ghost takes me from you
You can remember the fool that I am
Don’t cry baby, don’t cry

The lose and the win of the world
Wrong and right, us and them of the world
It’s the you and the me of the world
But only one way out of the world
It’s the lose and the win of the world
Wrong and right, us and them of the world
It’s the you and the me of the world
Only one way out of the world

It’s why I am unlikely to agree
Why I am, climbing out of my monkey tree
Why I am still here dancing with the GrooGrux King
We’ll be drinking Big Whiskey while we dance and sing
and where my story ends, it’s gonna end with him
Heaven or hell, I’m going down with the GrooGrux King

Why I am the apple of your pretty eye
Why I am the snake in the woodpile
It’s why I am still here dancing with the GrooGrux King

Out of my head and into the room
So when my ghost takes me from you
You can remember the fool that I am
Don’t cry baby, don’t cry