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Another Series of Unfortunate Jokes

I’m a big fan of bad jokes. One of my favorites to tell is this series (best said if you memorize several and tell them in machine gun fashion):

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door? Matt.

What do you call the same guy swimming in the ocean?
Bob.

What do you call his armless, legless girlfriend waiting on the beach for him?
Sandy.

Same guy in a hot tub?
Stu.

What if he’s stuck at the bottom?
Dwayne.

Same guy working under your car?
Jack.

What if he’s working on the electrical system?
Sparky.

Water skiing?
Skip.

In a hole?
Phil.

What if you bury him 6 feet under?
Doug.

What if it’s only 3 feet?
Douglas.

Same guy hanging on the wall?
Art.

What if he has no tongue?
Tasteless Art (sorry).

What if he’s sitting on a grill?
Frank.

What if he’s an Irish guy with no arms and no legs sitting on a grill?
Paddy.

Oops! No, it’s not an Irish guy. It’s a chick.
Patty (of course).

What if the guy is on the edge of a golf green?
Chip.

Same guy in a flower bed?
Pete.

What if he’s playing with the kids?
Jim.

Playing with a tiger?
Claude.

Playing in a pile of leaves?
Russell.

What do you call him and his armless, legless friend if they help you hang drapes?
Curt and Rod. (You’ll figure that one out.)

What do you call him if he can play half-a-dozen instruments?
Stump the Band. (Boo!)

What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs playing tennis?
Annette.

Swinging from a chandelier?
Tiffany.

Same girl in your kitchen sink?
Dawn.

What if she’s under your bed?
Dusty.

Whew! Okay, two similar ones:

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and no torso? Dick.

What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, and no torso?
Muffy.

Finally, a kid joke:

What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs playing baseball? First Base.

Sorry.

Comments

August said:

I don't get the "Jim" one...

Posted on Oct 20, 2005 06:29 AM

tangerine said:

ohhh.you.are.sooo.very.bad


I liked "bob" the best
followed by "matt"

Never Ever saw such a list.
Bravo.

Posted on Oct 20, 2005 11:28 PM

Gette said:

How about the same gal propped against a wall?
Ilene

And if she's Asian?
Irene (highly politically incorrect, I know)

Posted on Oct 22, 2005 10:37 PM

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