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Today’s Conversation

It’s not painted red, but it’s hell.

“What’s not painted red?”

Marriage. It’s not painted red, but it’s hell.

“I never thought hell would have paint.”

Sure it does. Satan’s office: What color are the walls? They’d have to be painted red.

“I always thought he’d have walls of fire.”

Not enough privacy. He’s an executive. With a secretary.

“Satan is an executive?”

Certainly. Nice crisp office. With crome accents and a dark wooden desk—probably from old growth forest. Muzak pumped through the corridors and elevators and such.

“Hell has Muzak?”

Of course. Hey, what do you think the house band in hell is? I think it’s The Carpenters.

“The Carpenters? What about Gwar or Slipknot?”

Gwar and Slipknot are posers. They aren’t living the lifestyle; they’re just getting rich off it. The Carpenters are real—Can you imagine listening to (singing)-

Why do birds suddenly appear
Everytime you are near
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you

- while the flesh burns eternally off your bones?

“What about Aerosmith?”

Aerosmith is different. That band is a result of a pact with the devil, not the house band …


Nancy said:

Oh....OH....Now that damn song is stuck in my head. I curse you.

Posted on Nov 21, 2005 12:09 PM

Noah said:

I hate my head for knowing this when it forgets so many things *worth* remembering, but "Everything Is Beautiful" was Ray Stevens, not The Carpenters.

Not that he probably doesn't do the occasional duet with Karen, mind you...

Posted on Nov 21, 2005 05:44 PM

BWG said:

I thought Hell's house tune would be "Seasons in the Sun" ...

Posted on Nov 21, 2005 10:15 PM

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