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We Need Plastic

This evening I was tidying up some files on my hard drive when I came across this short bit based on part of a George Carlin skit.

We tried the dolphins, the orangutans, and even a couple of parrots. Nothing. None of them could make plastic. The Boss says we need plastic.

“I think we should go forward with the Man expermiment. I mean, the prototype seems capable …”

Too risky. We can’t chance it.

“I think it’s all we got. It’ll only take us a couple of million years to build them and get them to the point where they can make plastic. Once they start making it, it’ll only be a couple of hundred years before we’ll have all we need. And then we can press the extinction button.”

Yeh, and they’ll destroy the whole Place in the process. You saw the computer models. You know what’ll happen. What good is plastic if they screw up the rest of the Place? We’ll be culpable.

“Well, I’m going to suggest it to the Boss.”

No way, man. If He finds out we went forward with the Man Prototype, we’ll both be working in the nematode factory again.

“But we need the plastic. The chimps are fuck-offs and the orangutans are lazy. We didn’t give the fucking dolphins hands, so they’re no good to us.”

We? It was your idea to put them in the water. “Flippers,” you said. “Mammals with flippers! How cool would that be?” Brilliant idea, idiot. With no arms or fingers or thumbs, they can’t even jerk-off. They’re still pissed at us.

“Let’s not start pointing fingers. You did the chimps but you screwed up their brains. Now ALL they do is jerk-off! … and throwing poop at each other.”

They are fun to watch though.

“Yeh, I’ll give you that.”

Comments

tangerine said:

So by now then you noticed you let your domain name lapse.

I held my finger over the purchase button for a full 5 minutes before I decided it might insult you--in case you had bigger plans with the OTHER (heh), therefore I left well enough alone and gave you a few more days.

Nice to see you back.
Even if the site is looking a bit
"wickedly wrong"

Posted on Oct 14, 2005 08:07 PM

ruminator said:

So, you decided to renew your domain registration? ;)

Posted on Oct 15, 2005 02:39 PM

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