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That’s Horrible!

14/01/2009

A nurse I’ve worked with for 10 years was fired from her job on Monday. She’d been working at that company for 20 years. By all accounts, including her annual reviews, she’s been an exemplary employee.

They didn’t give her any reason. My boss tells me that if I fire somebody to not give a reason. Just say, “I’ve made a decision and, with the advice and consent of my superiors, have decided to terminate your employment with us.” Cold and direct. I don’t like it that way, but I have to protect my company; my boss says it’s the best way. “Doesn’t give a labor attorney much to grab on to if it comes to that,” he says.

I’ve fired people that way. It’s awful. I’d much rather coach them through something that is difficult for them. I’d like to give them advice on how to not get fired again. My boss says I can’t, so I don’t.

For right or wrong, my friend was fired. Move on.

Her story reminded me of when comedian Norm Macdonald got fired from Saturday Night Live in 1997. Norm’s story, as related in Artie Lange’s book “Too Fat To Fish” goes like this (You have to read it in Norm’s voice with his timing to appreciate it):

(NBC Executive, Don Ohlmeyer) walked in and Don said, “Norm, I’ve got some bad news. You’re fired.”

“Oh wow. That is bad news,” Norm said. “That’s horrible! Why am I fired?”

“Because you’re not funny.”

“Oh my God. That’s worse! I’m not funny? I’m in comedy! I’ll never get another job!”

You can see him talk to David Letterman about it:

Okay, so this post wasn’t much. At least it’s something.

What do you want for nothing?

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Blogging the Election

4/11/2008

All you hooty-tooty-types are probably watching CNN or FOX or MSNBC and bouncing from your favorite news website to the next trying to sniff out who the election is going. Not me. I’m hitting the refresh button to see if Patton Oswalt has updated his blog.

Patton Oswalt is “live blogging” the election. And if you’re not there you’re missing out on amazing insights that you’re never going to get from Anderson Cooper. Things like:

8:00p: Dan Rather on McCain’s South Carolina win: “McCain’s taken South Carolina, but it’s just a pebble in a balloon kicker’s shoe.”

7:54p: Everyone on BBC America’s saying “Ah-bama”. Get it right, you damn limeys!

7:53p: Everyone on BBC America’s drunk, and their map guy has a goblin-eye.

7:52p: As I write this (4:50 PST) Barack’s got Vermont, and McCain’s got South Carolina and Kentucky. Lattes vs. bar-b-q — FIGHT!

7:50p: William Kristol’s Joker-smile is covering a swarming belly full of righteous pain.

You’re welcome.

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He Fucking Won?

4/11/2008

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