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Weekly JimShorts for 2008-11-22

  • I have successfully imported my of Kings and Carnies posts to JimFormation. I worried that it was going to be difficult. Hardly. #
  • This morning’s nonsequitor from my 4-year-old: “Do you want to hold my Furby? 25 cents.” 25 cents?! “It’s a magic Furby.” #
  • Watch this with the sound on or don’t watch it at all: #
  • Here’s the plan: Allow gay marriages with the caveat that we don’t have to spend as much on wedding gifts. Deal? #
  • It’s only 3 o’clock. I feel like it’s 100 o’clock. #
  • Tesla Roadster: 100% electric. 0 – 60 in 3.9 seconds. 244 miles per charge. #
  • Should I or shouldn’t I adopt this puppy: #
  • This is the same puppy from my wife’s Flickr photostream: … hmm … #
  • People will sometimes ask if I like hockey. I always answer, “No. I’m an Islander’s fan.” @abigvictory can use it if you like. #
  • How does Doug Weight play hockey with a walker? And how hard is it for him to skate without tripping over his long white beard? #
  • I’ll procrastinate later. #
  • Money can’t buy you happiness, but I wouldn’t mind being known as the meloncholy guy who drives the Viper. #
  • All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. #
  • Something in my house just fell and kept falling. Like a bookshelf being knocked over. I can’t find it. I’m the only one awake. Outside? Hm. #
  • People think Hitler had a lot of balls. Nope. Just one: #### #
  • I once went to sexual harassment seminar, half way through I leaned toward the woman I went with and said, “I think they’re against it.” #
  • My brain has been discounted 20%. I wonder why: #### #
  • Do you know that they never found John Denver’s head? #
  • If you were born before 1970 & near NY, this’ll scare the crap out of you, everyone else will shrug shoulders: #
  • Wall St is going broke. Car manufacturers are going Chapter 11. People are losing jobs. My boss just gave over 500 people raises. #
  • The web is slow this evening. I don’t mean my service is poor; I mean the independent content providers that I read aren’t providing content #
  • You people are going to make me troll Digg and Reddit aren’t you? Forget about it. I’m going to feed the dog and then play a video game. #
  • I’ll provide some content to the internet later. Who wants to read about how the Pope and the Devil are in cahoots? #
  • The 4-year-old reports that he knows how to buy gas, “You say, ‘$25 regular.’ He says something. You say, ‘Yes, thank you.’” #
  • Tomorrow morning, I will decide if I’m going to play golf. The temperature will be 24°F. The woman next to me will be 98.6°F. Do the math. #
  • According to Google Analytics visitors to have increased 58,500%. That’s a lot of percents. #
  • I still don’t know what a “Twilight” is. But for a couple months I thought that Paris Hilton was an upscale place to stay in France. #
  • Hey ladies, which of you thinks Sean Connery is sexy? #### #
  • The Number of the Beast is 616, not 666. We’ve been looking for the wrong guy. ( #
  • If “Twilight” is “True Blood” for teenagers, then what is “True Blood”? #
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JimShorts for 2008-11-15

  • Someone needs to get me up to speed. What does it mean when someone uses a # prefix on Twitter? I keep seeing it & I feel out of the loop.
  • Remind me: The cut lob shot has a right-handed feel.
  • The problem with “hash tags” around here is that when local tokers see them left unattended, they cram them into a pipe & smoke them.
  • The 4-year-old, to me, regarding his mother: “I’m giving your woman back. (points backwards with his thumb toward his mom) It’s yours now.”
  • Why are hopes always dashed? Why can’t they be tripped in the hallway or have their hair mussed a little?
  • Philadelphia Eagles fans booed Joe Biden last night. For perspective, these are the same people that threw snow balls at Santa Claus.
  • Philadelphia Eagles fans booed Joe Biden last night. For perspective, these are the same people who booed Mike Schmidt and Steve Carlton.
  • Eagles fans booed Biden last night; they are “the most neurotic, insane, comedic group of fans you will ever see outside of a Cops episode.”
  • Philadelphia Eagles fans booed Joe Biden last night. For perspective, these are the same people who booed Donovan McNabb for being drafted.
  • Oh. I’m a New York Giants fan. The Giants beat the Eagles last night 36-31 on national TV last night. Neener, neener, neener.
  • William Kristol’s latest NYT Op-Ed piece is the kind of hackneyed crap that I’d expect from a 3rd rate blog:
  • Why is “Long Island’s #1 Rock Station WBAB” bleeding into (hell, taking over) my Sirius satellite radio Indie Talk station?
  • #salt (I’ve been wanting to say that since yesterday. I just didn’t have the right context. Turns out the right context is no context.)
  • PJ O’Rourke’s magnum opus on the demise of conservatism:
  • Does the White House have a CNTL+Z button?
  • My friend, the @BigWhiteGuy, has signed up on Twitter. He doesn’t know why yet. I say bug the hell out of him, at least for a little while.
  • In the coming days, I will post 2 short essays that are sure to make more unpopular than I already am. My wife is already rolling her eyes.
  • … researching …
  • My daughter and 3 friends saw Madagascar & Saw 5 this evening. I’m concerned that it might lead to permanent cerebral scarring?
  • It took me almost two hours to write that last post. I need a hobby.
  • I had to shame my wife into confirming that she was married to me on Facebook.
  • I have no reason to be on Facebook. Life is already complicated enough.
  • I do believe I’m going to get myself a beer. Anybody want anything while I’m up?
  • I am sitting next to @sandrakay65. We are conversing via Twitter. Before the internet I’d be trying to get in her shirt. I hate technology.
  • Facebook kinda talks to you. Every time it says something to me, I say back to it, “Go f*** yourself.”
  • She said, “Twittering is best done alone without your partner …” and then muttered to herself “… like sex.” Seems rude to me.
  • I’ve been signed up on Facebook for less than a half-hour and they (meaning people) are coming out of the woodwork. I don’t like this.
  • I just downed a jigger of the Wife-Beast’s “cold medicine” while pouring myself a Guinness. All is right in the world.
  • First Jimi, and then Noel, and now Mitch. Long live The Experience.
  • Guess how much it costs to have a flying squirrel colony removed from your home. Anyone? If you guessed $2,500, you are today’s winner.
  • Have a lot of sex. Do it for your kids. God wants it that way.
  • You know what? None of this is important. I’m trying to figure out if I should play Laverneus Coles tonight or Antonio Bryant on Sunday.
  • I spent my entire day doing non-stop manual labor. It wiped me out, but not the 21-year-old that was helping me. Asshole.
  • I have taken my 21-year-old friend’s advice. I’m drowning my sore muscles and bones in some Guinness.
  • I just found out: Chris Elliott (funniest on the old Letterman Show) is Bob’s son of Bob & Ray fame.
  • The best show on TV might be Classic Albums (VH1 in the US). It’s all about the music. All about the songs. All about the recording.
  • I’ve never given John Densmore (drummer for The Doors) half the credit he deserves. (Like he’s been waiting for me to give him Kudos).
  • “I am not your broom. I am not your broom. No longer must I sweep for you for I am not your broom.” ~ They Might Be Giants
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