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You Know the Weather; Here’s the News:

Note: This report has been updated since its publication earlier this morning. I’m hoping this update will reveal, at least in part, the necessary sarcasm to make me feel good about myself. ~Editor


This morning I watched the reports of Hurricane Wilma on the various national news and weather channels. It’s comical that these channels put reporters in the wind and rain to report the news.

This is what I learned from these on-the-scene, breaking-news reporters (and I’m not kidding—and I’m not leaving anything worth reporting out):

Usually during bad hurricanes the ocean floods the street that one reporter was reporting from. This time it didn’t.

The force of the hurricane blew over several newspaper boxes. The boxes were left in the shot behind the reporter to prove it.

The same force blew the canvas off a restaurant awning, reported another reporter, but the roof and all its shingles were still intact—proved by a close-up shot of said intact roof.

One reporter reported that street lights were out on the street where he was reporting live from. He also reported that there was no storm surge worth reporting.

Another said that, in his previous report, objects were blowing off a nearby rooftop. He further reported that no more objects were seen blowing off that roof. He did caution that more things may blow off later and that, on his next report he’d update us.

Another guy told us that it was reported to him that strong winds uprooted several trees and broke branches, but he couldn’t confirm it as he hadn’t seen it himself.

A reporter on CNN reported that he took his goggles off because it stopped raining.

Finally, and this is my favorite, a reporter on FOX reported that a streetlamp had broken off its stanchion. In mid-report his producer, or what could only be his producer, repositioned the streetlamp into the shot. The rest of the report consisted of denials that the reporter was reporting with “props.”

All that breaking reportage reported by qualified, on-the-spot reporters broke no real news. (It might be worth noting that according to wikipedia.org that reporting is a type of journalism that “is usually distinguished from similar work … by news judgment … determining newsworthiness.”) Bullshit.

Back to you …


suzette said:

You must have missed the Today Show when Al Roker reported that it was so windy that a sound man had to grip Al's leg to prevent him from blowing over. Then a big wind gusted up and knocked Al down on top of the soundguy. Now that was newsworthy!

Posted on Oct 24, 2005 07:51 PM

tangerine said:

Would I like a PAID job STANDING IN IT? Yeah.

We sit at home and call these guys CRAZY but shit, I like FEELING the forecast ya know?

Do they stretch unmentionables out to the point that the average viewer sighs.. ?


Great post.

Posted on Oct 24, 2005 08:01 PM

ruminator said:

I haven't watched any news of the breaking type on this one. I've had about all I can stand of hurricane reporting this year.

Posted on Oct 25, 2005 07:39 AM

jim's father said:

THE NEWS or THE REPORTER it is anyone who can bull shit you to the point you think what they say is new or important....

Posted on Oct 25, 2005 05:10 PM

ButtonMonkey said:

Yeah. I am sick of watching those reports too. It's just plain ugly down here. I am going to stay in the confines of my townhouse and shut out the rest of the world.

Posted on Oct 25, 2005 08:06 PM

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